Brian once owned a mobile telephone. 

He lost it the very day he bought it during a single hand of poker with Bernard The Butler (not to be confused with Bernard 'Not The' Butler - the former guitarist with mop-top beat combo Suede), and a debt collection specialist. 

Bernard The Butler has kept the device and has learned to use what many refer to as 'email'. You can reach Brian from time to time, via Bernard The Butler, by filling in the paperwork below.

When Brian catches up with Bernard The Butler (often from a far flung hospital or via carrier eagle whilst suspended on an ancient rope-bridge above a gorge) - he may be able to dictate a grateful reply. 

But don't hold your breath.

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